My tryst with Bengaluru Volvo Buses

Cauvery Neeru

 Kingfisher Beeru

Bengaluru !!!“

Apart from the above, the combination of an incredibly smooth engine, insanely sharp brakes and expensive tickets have become a emotional part of my mundane life here. My tryst with Volvo Buses everyday.

Every 5 minutes you’ll find one(Oh good news), Nevertheless every minute it’ll be full(Happiness is short lived fellas). Nothing ironical there. Every Indian can comprehend that.

OK. I started travelling by these wagons since they are fast, smooth and kind of takes you away from the extremely dusty outer ring road. Oh you are welcome to the garden city. And you don’t just travel in it. You you’ve got to survive in it. So the very first day with the imperative white collar I took this speedo at 10 30 AM in the morning. It was full. Ok I tried it at 9 30 sometime. It was full. 7 15 bravo for guessing. Full again. I gave up. And standing in these buses is a pain in the wrong side. Maruthi and Hyundai must learn from the technology of braking that is being used here. And the marriage between an extremely quick engine and feather sharp brakes gives birth to pain for everyone in the bus especially for standees in particular, except for the driver. And to aid to the pain they have these moving handles to hold on to. You can see people dancing to the tune of traffic . Lol !!!

Ok I had my share of embarrassing moments in this cake. And I learnt to survive without a red face inside the red bus. So guys the below is the algorithm for any newbie here.

Rule no 1 : You’ve committed a mortal sin if you decide to take the next bus.

The first bus that stood in my stop was full. But it atleast stood since the next two whisked past. Neverthelless the first one stood cos some one had to get down. Early man catches the bus(sense?).

Rule no 2: Open your mouth wide and smile (Refrained from the using the usual Julia Roberts smile phrase)like you’ve never done before if you get to sit during peak traffic.

No explanation needed here.

Rule no 3: Never choose to stand in the common area(Men only):

Ok. Now this is really important. Men are only allowed to take the center door. May be since it opens real wide for the Information Technology tummies. Anyway so the moment you get in take your right and then just hit the upper deck.

1.Since it is comparatively easy to hold on there.

2.People might get out so you can grab you seat (Refer to rule no 5)

3.The roof is near to your head so you can think straight (alright thats shitty)

Rule no 4: Never ever sit in the lowest deck in the middle portion of the bus.

Ok. This is one place for which you can trade to stand. Since

1.You are facing the door and your eye sight is perpendicular to the movement of the bus. So you cant watch outside. Only if you willing to end up with an headache due to fast moving objects.

2.Every one standing in the stop looks at your pathetic posture when the door opens.

3.And this is important. You are in light of sight to the tummies and the not so good portion of the human design. Various sizes and Various shapes. And one in 5 are put up to gastric problems You know what I mean.

4.You ll be forced to turn and sit since your legs are protruding in the standing space. You end up with back ache.

5.The only option is for you to sit in a posture similar to indian women during the bride watching ceremony(whatever that you call it)

6.You end up watching the legs of men. Atleast pedicured legs would have been a good option. But women are miles away from where you sit.

Rule no 5: Look for signs from fellow passengers.

If you are standing in the upper deck, look for Manoj Night Shymalan’s Signs. Yeah just signs.

1.Most of them are listening to their pride of a life time. The Ipod. I dont know whats with music(lol !!!). So their hands going on their ears to remove the plugs. That’s a bloody sign. Just approach them like you are going to start groping.

2.If they are rubbing their nose. Thats it. It means there is an itch on their nostrils. Go look for yourselves. Not much signs from my side.

Rule no 6: Test the tenacity of the forearm muscle if you are standing.

All those flamboyant muscles can be put to test fellas if you are forced to stand in the common area.

Rule no 7: Standing posture to avoid the accident between two tummies.

OK. Now this is really tricky. If you are by god knows what you have done in the past, forced to stand in the common area, follow these

1.Never stand facing the driver. Cos when he brakes, both feet are in the same position and you will have to give the full effort to your arms.

2.Now try standing facing the door. So if you move you can stress your left foot and balance your self.

3.But if your determined to fall in love by literally jumping over a girl then…

Rule no 8: Pls give your seat to a real good oldie and not to the inevitable(Depends on the intensity of the charm).

No seriously, I pity the oldies who are standing.

So these are what that I observed and have been following in my tryst with the

Cauvery Neeru

Kingfisher Beeru

Bengaluru and Volvo gaaru!!!“

PS: Pardon me if you have spent time in reading the above since its been a long time since I’ve written some thing sane. Actually its never been sane.

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7 Responses

  1. 🙂 ! Woaaah! Thanks a lot for the post. Looks like you’ve had a quite an experience!

  2. […] : Weird Patch What : My tryst with Bengaluru Volvo Buses Spicy : Weirdpatch has accounted some interesting observations of his travels from the Volvo buses […]

  3. I have been in the Blore Volvo buses just a couple of times and on both occasions I was in the common area, facing the door. But then, I hardly know Blore and where to get off. So standing closest to the door was my only option; and yes, for testing out Rule#6 as well 😉

  4. Your post has been selected by Blog Adda -Indian Bloggers!

  5. BlogAdda’s Spicy Saturday Picks – Jan. 28, ’11 – Weird Patch!!!

  6. There isn’t any techniques for success. It is the response to preparation, efforts, and gaining knowledge through failure.
    How you can get things done is just not in your thoughts who gets the credit for doing them.

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