Abode of Love – Concluding Part!!!

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It’s an old habit of hers, she had let go of it and had even been successful in conquering it. But today she seemed to be not bothered about it. Her instinct was to hug him, but something came in between and she just could only held his hand in such tight grip that almost the blood flow in his veins seemed to seize and the hand going numb.

She held on to it till the lighting completed the cycle and it roared somewhere rear again and only the light could be seen.

In that stream of light the place looked heavenly and she looked heavenly and the closeness of her gave him a heady state of happiness that he wanted to delve and swallow the pleasures of the moment. He knew she would not be there tomorrow morning and there will no other chance like this and he was almost tempted to swallow her alive and be in that state of bliss.

But his ethics did not allow him to do anything beyond the numbness of the hand that was beginning to pain…slowly.

She seemed to relax a little and then lighten the grip…the blood flowed into the veins and the tickling sensation started to engulf the arm. He gave a mild sigh of relief and was trying to ease out the tickling sensation, when she heard his sigh and spurted a sorry to him.

She even rubbed her hand against his arm to ease the flow of blood and unknowing she was moving it up and down the whole length of the arm. The arm she could have held and had been more than safe in them. Alas, now it is not hers and there have been so many years that have passed and things have changed. She is no more the pleasing beauty of twenties or him the handsome guy.

Age has played its galore and the beauty that was once rendering is now reduced to some visible wrinkles and rather drying skin.

She playfully rests her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes and takes in a fresh breath of air from the cold and chilling wind.

He slowly puts an arm around her and tries to warm her up in his embrace…they slowly get up and walk into the house and he closes the door behind and they reach the room on the top floor.

The silence is too much to bear…the beating of the hearts that beat as one, the croaking noises of the frogs outdoor, the rain slashing against the windows, the swaying trees, the howling sound of the wind, the lashing water, the relentless night, the chillness, the warmth inside, the terrible smell of dampness, the shimmering fireplace, the dancing candles, the captured smiles, the absolute darkness, the racing mind and the desire of it being the single and long lasting night.

“I love you” he whispered in her ear and she melted in the thought, he turned around and kissed her on her lips…and the magic seemed to flow.

There is no stopping today, whatsoever…there is no one who can hold on to the pleasure of life…and there is no one to say if it was right or wrong.

There is no right and wrong action, till it is done even if it done, can it be proved from what point it was wrong or right.

What about the things that did not happen? Does it mean they are righteous actions? The actions that have occurred, does it mean they are wrong?

Who is it that decides if an occurrence is right or wrong? It is the people who are involved in the action or the people outside the action.

What is natural, can the action be stopped from occurring or is it fair to stop the occurrence and resume the same at some other time or some other place?

What is the course of an action, unless is it spent and done?

The night seemed to roll into one big endless night of roaring and merciless pouring matching with the restlessness and the eagerness inside the house.

There was sullenness everywhere and there was pain, pleasure and happiness rolled into one big package and she lay rested and spent in his arms and all the years of separation melted into this one night.

There was no past or future…there was that one moment of bliss and nothing much. There was perfect harmony and life seemed to flow in relentless ebb of emotions and it was considered to be the longest and biggest nights of all the years to come.

She turns over and hugs a pillow and says, “I am dead tired and I don’t know why. At this age, when I am supposed to be counting my days, I am romancing. She giggles and dozes off into a very peaceful sleep, like there is no tomorrow.

He looks at her and is reminded of her act of hugging a pillow and sleeping while she is sleeping, smiles at that action of hers, pulls the rug over her and tugs it at the sides of her and allows her to sleep, as he sits watching her from a chair beside the bed…with the candles burning along with him.

He wakes up with the call of the birds and the morning sounds of life…he had dozed off sitting against in the chair, looking at her.

He looks at her still blissfully sleeping and decides to go the kitchen to make a warm cup of coffee, and pulling the blinds to make the sun rays fall into the house. The sun had started shining in as if the rain from yesterday’s night did not hinder it.

The sun shone between the leaves of the trees and made a heavenly look to the whole garden that was spread across. He started humming a famous song of the 80’s and he used to sing it to her when they were in college. He goes to kitchen pulls out a packet of milk and sets it to boil.

He puts on the player, a small player in the kitchen to listen to his favorite song as he goes about the mundane job of preparing a meal for himself all alone in that house of his.

He is all excited about the night as it had unfolded and the day as it is going to unfold. He was excited at the fact that she is at last with him and it was exciting to have her with him forever, that is what at lease he expects her to do, now.

The thought brings a smile and laughter, he gets the coffee done, and he walks with the tray, laden with cups of freshly brewed coffee, he walks up to her, with the song from the kitchen echoing in the house and in her heart adding a bounce to his walk.

The song, “Kabhie Kabhie Mere Dil Mein….” reverberates through the house with a wonderful memory attached to it.

He walks up to her, places the tray on the table next to the bed and puts a hand to her shoulder and tries to wake her up.

He finds her body extremely chill and dead cold. He wonders what’s wrong and slowly turns her over from the side to face him up right. Her face is pale, her lips turned into a smile and a wonderful face that is quite.

He can’t believe what he saw and what his mind is telling him, he reluctantly puts his hand against her forehead and finds it dead cold.

No, his mind screams…her moves his hand across to the nostrils to find the breath moving in and out, no trace of it, he puts his ear against her heart and finds it not beating, he lifts her and it falls lifeless….!!!

No…No…No…this can’t be true…he is shattered. He kneels down and holds her palm and looks into that face, which does not seem to have been hindered by anything at all. It is so peaceful in the sleep that waking up is impossibility.

He slowly, looks away and wonders what does he do now? He gathers himself and slowly accepting the reality gets on to do what he has to do? He hears a knock at the door and knows who it will be.

He walks to the phone and dials a number…for the second time.

“Hello, Balu here. Who is it?”

“I am not sure if you know me. I am Chris, calling from Kodaikanal.”

“Is she alright? I was worried; she did not return h…o…m…e…!! I hope everything is fine.”

“I guess, we have lost her forever…”

“What??”

A dead silence prevails over and none of them talk, either side of the phone, you can hear a lonely wall clock ticking away to tell man about the future that is nearing and the sounds of the outside world….!

“I will be there in an hour’s time. Please, take care of her.”

He does not know what to do or what to not do. He just sits in the corner of the house; with tears rolling down his cheek uncontrollably…it was a silent whimper.

He heard a knock long back, had completely forgotten about it. He opens the door to find the driver there, he sends him off saying he needs to be back in at his employers house and the madam will return in the latter half of the day. His wait does not seem to end; he is waiting for the owner to reclaim his possession.

“Oh! God, why did I get such a fate?” Thinking and crying had made him vulnerable and tired he dozes off in the sofa waiting for him to arrive.

There is a knock on the door and he gets up to open it to find the owner there, standing tall and bold reclaiming his possession.

They quietly, move into the bedroom…he looks at her and then him.

He walks out and gives them a moment of private.

He gathers her from the neck and shoulders by the right hand and with the left he holds her legs and starts walking down the steps. It is not easy, she has never been so heavy…it is difficult. The uneasiness in the descent, he halts on the way.

He comes forward to help him, but is being ignored. He walks past him and puts her on to the car seat next to him as always, only today she is lifeless.

He walks back to him, puts his hand forward for a shake.

“I am taking my wife with me. She was my life and will always be mine. Goodbye, I hope things will return to normal for us.”

Chris is standing on the porch and the car just leaves the house, in a silence that was heard even after miles down the lane.

The End………..!

Abode of Love – Part 8

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She walks past the steps and the pathway that is beautifully done by beautiful flower plants on both sides and the wind swaying them gently looked as if they were welcoming her there.

She puts her lightly on the plants and feeling them gently; patting them she walks past them and arrives at the doorstep.

It is an aesthetically craved wood door with a dancing damsel, welcoming her. She expected a lot of people in there, but the house in such a silence that her own heart beat is louder enough to wake a sleeping child.

Finding the knock handle to be another artistic gesture, holding on to it she gently knocks the door.  For a fleeting second she feels like running away from there.

A voice from inside, says “The doors open, please do come in.”

The voice for an instant looks familiar to her ears, but she isn’t sure it can be anybody thinking thus she pushes open the door, the lights of house come and the room is brilliantly lit with a artistic feel to everything she sees or her eyesight falls on.

On the last stair of the stairway, stands he frozen in time and space. There is a stealing glance between both of them and they stand frozen. He does not know where to start or what to talk and she also seems to have lost her talking sense.

He acknowledges her return with a nod and that is all he can do. She smiles in return. They magic that was before 25 years still seem to be working, the do the talking with the eyes that communicate too much.

She starts talking slowly, “You have done it so beautifully, I might get lost in its beauty and maybe ask it from you.”

“It is yours, never mine…why do you have to ask for it.” phat came his reply.

They again look at each other and then she moves on to see around, while walking past the sofa’s that were in a good combination of white and black, she delicately removes her shawl and places it on one armrest and walks past him as if he did not exist there, almost stopping his breath for a minute longer than life can sustain.

He was so lost in her movements that he just followed her wherever she went and the smell of her filling each room and the house of his was giving him a kick that he had not felt in years.

He was charmed by her as if a snake by the charmer, he walked behind her and nodded in accordance with whatever she had to say.

They enter the most important place of the house, the master bedroom. She opens the door and she finds an expanse of a room…with ample space and a queen size bed in the center, with exquisite wood work…and beautifully carved wooden cupboards.

As if all this was not breath taking, the walls on the right was decorated with snaps of her in different poses of her in one she is crying, laughing, making faces, happy, joy, sorrow, astonishment, bewilderment, quietness every emotion of her face adorned the wall.  The snaps were all in the size of big postcards, but efficiently capturing her essence of the emotion she was going through.

She looks at him standing there looking at her from the corner of the room. “Don’t tell me these are those stupid photos you tried to capture, using you useless camera that use to work once in a blue moon.”

“Oh! You remember that. Yep! They are from that only.”

“But you always used to say that it did not click, you rascal, you had cheated me is it, and look at me I have been giving all kind of funny expressions…looking at the pictures that captured weird and funny expressions of her.”

There was laughter in the room and there was chase between both, they had forgotten that time had caught up with them and it wasn’t twenties, it was sixties, but who cared there was fun laughter and merry all over. There was life all over, the room and the place caught up with life and it looked as if the whole place was vibrant with life.

Chasing each other they came down the stairs and were in the drawing room, quickly they sat across each other span on the sofa…comfortably and started talking about all things that they could possibly remember or lost touch talking to.

The time ran and also their conversations across time and traveled through different periods of time. They kept on talking and making fun, pulling each other’s leg, it did not look as if they had been separated by time and tide. It looked as if they knew each and had these lovely conversations for long on the lazy weekends.

That was not the case with the climate outside, the sun shone for some time and then it was cloudy the next, it was windy, it was chill and then there were drizzle and then there was rain pouring….!

There was a sudden thundering noise and it was followed by a heavy lighting…she screamed and held her arms across her ear and cuddled up next to him resting her head on his shoulders, with her eyes tightly closed.

He smiled and wrapped her with his right arm that was there to protect her always. She did not know for how long she stayed thus, but she remained there and then he let her be. The sudden sound of the downpour brought them back to their senses and she felt a little awkward.

He quickly, changed her attention, talking about her driver, “I guess, you stay back today and ask the driver to go home.”

She said, “Ok, and waited for an answer within.”

He went up and saw the driver sitting inside the car, covering himself from the heartless downpour.  The driver seeing him walk towards him got out of the car and opened his umbrella and stood there.

“I think your memsaab will stay over today, here. Do you want to stay over, the drivers den or go back and come in the morning to pick?”

“Illai, sir. I have my relative down the corner, will go over and stay there. I will be back by morning 7.30 to pick, madam.”

“Ok, looks good. If you have any problem on the way, call me or madam. Take care while you walk down, it is raining heavily.”

Handing him the car keys the driver, Krishnan, leaves the place and he walks back to his house. Today, he knows he has company for the night. The house and the place seem to be beaming in love and happiness of the only visitor it has got.

He gets in and hangs the key on its stand hung there, “ah! It is also an exquisite beauty of art.” Calling out, Kayal, he asks her what she wants for dinner.

She answers, “Who is going to prepare? Oh! My god, do I have to eat your cooking?”

He smiles and with a look that had made wonders says, “Unless you decide to make and feed me up?”

“Hmm…Ok, what is available?”

They both together get to work on the dinner and in an hour’s time a feast is ready for them. There are some veggies made of two varieties, a tasty sambar smelling with all the ingredients of a south Indian meal. The table is set and they both seem to enjoying the meal together and they are in an animated conversation throughout the dinner.

After dinner they seem to take a walk round the porch that is made through the peripheral of the house, with loads of flowers hanging from the climbers that were twitched to the iron rods curved to make the beautiful Georgian style building.

They were walking and talking, in that chill weather; close enough to warm them up with their own emanating body heat and the shawl that is loosely worn on the shoulders. The aroma of different flowers, the cold breeze, the starless sky, the clouds moving above and looming in darkness, the silhouettes of their bodies that are spawn on the walls by the different shades of light across the pathway, was creating a perfect shade of romance.

He was wishing that this night never end…he has seen it all and knows how his life would have been in the past six or eight hours. He does not want anything more…just let the night not go by and let her stay here forever with him in this loneliness and the silence of the house was too much to bear.

He was reeling in these thoughts that he did not hear his name call….

C-H-R-I-S …..!

Chris, where are you lost…? He was being shaken by his arm and she was holding his arm and shaking him so that he responds.

As if woken from sleep he mutters something, she does not hear and she laughs out aloud, the same hearty laugh that she flashes whenever she found him in a helpless situation. He is distracted by the laugh and he rests on a slab of granite, which is built as a sit out in summer.

He sits there and listens to her laughter and thinks, she can still do wonders to me. No doubt, I waited for her all these years in solace. She too gingerly, sits beside him and looks at him with all that she can.

Both look at each other for a few minutes that looked as an eternity and then she looks away. The wind gets chiller and the clouds move in great hurry and they are thick, there is a slight drizzle when the clouds dash against each other in hurry.

There is current in the air and there is a loud thunder again….!

(…to be continued)

Abode of Love – Part 7

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Tomorrow was the day she had to go. She was so speechless, and in fact worried about meeting him. She had made up her it will be just for an hour or so and nothing much. Will meet him, be there for few minutes and then leave. Now, there is nothing much to tell him. But yes, he had recreated the same sense when they spoke, then nothing more.

She had walked away and that is now over. He might have loved her once upon a time and would have stood with it against time and tide, but that does not mean he can claim me again. Will explain things to him and be back in a jiffy. This is my life that I see here and I live here.

She was strong with her decisions and nothing comes in between her mind and decision as long as she decides what she wants.

The morning is still misty and it looks like it is not March and it is still December. She gets up and goes about doing her morning rituals, takes a leisure bath and then selects a delicate yellow and orange combination chiffon sari and dresses up as if it was her last time to dress elegantly.

She looks heavenly in that sari, with her hair tied up in a bun resting on her shoulders, with matching earrings, necklace and bangles, which had red and orange stones in a row.

She tried to lock her necklace, he came from behind and helped her put the lock, binding it not slip her slippery neck.

She had not noticed him and wondered when he awoke. She looked at him and said, “Why you seem to have woken up so early?”

He replied, “When a heavenly creature like you walks up and down in front of my eyes, how can a poor human being be in his sleep and ignore.”

It was like the last romantic dialogue between them. They looked at each for long and she moved away in doubt as to what she was going to do was good enough or not.

He tells her, “Driver will drop you and wait for you, no hurry you can finish up your things and come back soon. He will wait for you there.”

She tries to avoid the driver, the car but he reluctantly makes her agree and she accepts the treatment and she has to start in few minutes. It is about a half an hour from her place.

He comes and covers her up with a shawl that is white in color, her favorite.

Taking a one big glance at the house and the person who is standing in front of her with all the love he can give her, somewhere in her heart she felt this was her last view of the things that are in front of her.

She took a long standing look at her husband and then opened the door and got into the car. She did not look back. She knew he was standing there, but when the car took the turn to the main road, she missed turning back and taking a look. She wished she could ask the driver to get back.

But, her journey towards her destination started.

Her mind starts reeling, how does he look now? Does he have lost hair, does he still look charming as he used to be, and does his smile still stop hearts?

How does he look? Her impatience takes over…and she is lost in yester years, that long glances across the corridor, the occasional glances at the cafeteria, the lonely talks on the long afternoons, the long walks on the campus, the library study hours, the notes that were shared and those beautiful memories of those college days kept coming back to her and she was in it almost that she forgot she reached the foothills of Kodaikanal and it looked like they were on a climb.

She kept looking out of the window, the breath taking beauty of the hills and the climb did not hinder her thoughts. The strong smell of pine wood and the heaviness of the air, the misty clouds, the little drizzle and looked as if they were welcoming her to the abode.

She was not bothered about the climate nor the view, she just wanted to reach and catch the first glimpse of him and have a sense of satisfaction of having seen him after all these years.

The driver says, “Madam, I think this is the place.”

On a winding way, there is a small cottage kind set up with loads of flowers and a lovely garden…which overlooks a field ready to be sowed.

She slowly looks out of the window and looks around there is no crowd, there is no people around, the place is so quite…the beautifully craved cottage with loads of woodwork looks like a real treat.

Opening the door of the car, she puts her leg down on the mud to get off. The hand that’s on the window of the car slips and she loses her balance and her feet twists a little and she lets out a cry in pain.

The driver gets alert and runs across the car to see what happened.

By then, there is a soul that peeks out of the wooden balcony finding an unusual car standing in front of his home.

He is stunned by what he is seeing, the face that had captivated him from the days of his college, is there as beautiful as ever and as if all these years did not go by…she looked the meek little girl from college.

At that instant the cry of pain reaches his ears too and he looks at the woman who in her sixties is still the same, losing balance when getting out of the car. She has not changed one bit, she is still the same girl he fell in love with.

How much he wanted to go and rush her in and help her. But he kept looking as she refused the help from the driver and with what confidence she walks into the footsteps of the house, with her head held high and the air of being someone important without even making an effort to call for her importance.

The same innocence, the same carelessness, the accident prone habit, the restlessness, the same confidence, the leisure no hurried walk, she hasn’t changed one bit in years.

His heart started beating faster than usual and he smiled at his state even at the age of sixty she could do wonders to him, is it in her or him, he wondered. With that thought he ran down the fleet stairs that took him to the drawing hall on the level below.

(…to be continued)

Abode of Love – Part 6

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But, looks like fate is not happy with my growth, I am at the mode of life again from where I ran. I am at the same cross roads from where I can run no more. There is no strength in me to run any further, I have to take the path I haven’t gone.

It looks like now I have to definitely dread the path I have not taken. I am indebted to this person who has stayed in oblivion for nothing that was his and still held on it as if nothing else mattered to him and he was only interested what was dear to him to sustain the wilderness of life.

Oh! What did I do to get the best of two worlds, here is one man who has lived all his life in hope and despair, another one who has been the exemplary in relationship that I have never felt pressurized and felt almost living like an individual.

Balu, what did I do? What should I do now? I feel I should go see this person and give him the answer for his wait; it has been almost 25 years of wait.  It has been 25 long years of wait in hope for one single instance in life that can fill him with all that he can gather in that one instance. How am I to repay his love and gravity that he has shown towards to me?

She briskly walks up to the cupboard and looks inside her clothes and from underneath she pulls out a brown envelop and brings it to him.

With an uncertain look on her face, she entrusts the envelop towards him and looks at him forlornly. He reluctantly takes the cover from her. He does not want to do anything, he just lets everything go through the window and shut his brain, he wanted to undo the hearing of the 45 minutes of conversation, just hug her tight and never let her go away from him.

But then, he put his hand forward takes it and slowly hesitatingly opens the cover. There is dead silence and it seems to loom larger than the conversation that they just had. On opening, he finds a card, which just reads what it read…!

Welcome to my ‘Abode of Love’

12.03.2036, 6.00 am

I invite you to my abode of love and waiting for your presence to fill this place with all the love and pleasure that I had missing.

I don’t know whether you would come or not, I am still here.

He drops to the bed with uncontrollable anger and frustration, how dare he call my wife? Who asked him to wait and for what is he waiting? Why the hell is he waiting? He might have loved her, but now she is my ‘WIFE’, does he want to prove, he loves her more than me? What does he want now, why is he disturbing my life?

He looks at her, she is standing there without any hope and he can see the despair in her eyes and her drooping with pain and uncontrollable pleasure of having fallen in with such a person.

She is quite and looking at him, there is plead and understanding in her eyes, what do I tell her? Is she asking for permission or is she telling me what she is about to do?

Oh! God what do I do now? Do the same her parents did or let her go? I don’t want her to go? If she goes, will she forget me completely? Will she not miss me? Will she not love me again? What kind of tragedy is this with my life? How am I to support?

Getting up slowly from the bed, looking at her sternly taking in a deep breath, he says, “This is day after tomorrow, mentioning the card date…You want to go and come, please do go and come.” He finished as a matter of fact.

She could not believe what she heard, in an instant she felt the world slip away and also happy that she could not go meet him eye-to-eye.

She did not know what reaction was right now. Still in disbelief, she looked at him.

He said again, “If you want to go meet him and come back I am ok with it. Just that I wanted to tell you this much that, a momentary silence took her breath away…I…I…Love…you just the same and there is no change in it.”

She wanted to run into his arms and rest her head on his shoulders, but with such a request she was not sure what to do? There was a moment of awkwardness, she had already taken a step and he had looked at her and took his arms forward to grasp her…!

In that moment, both of the lost their will and not knowing when the first move happened, they were in a tight embrace that seemed to stop time and the world.

The day dawned and they realized they haven’t winked their eyes even for a minute. The sound of the birds chirping they left embrace and moved on to do the regular rituals of the day. Each moved with a heavy heart around the house and was lost in their own world and wondered if each one of them had given each enough room that one single step can spoil the relationship.

But a decision is a decision and once done, they both were reluctant to give it and they stuck to their grounds.

They slowly waited for something drastic to happen so that they don’t have to go through what they were going on.

(…to be continued)

Abode of Love – Part 5

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He was ready to listen to her; he turned himself towards her and was attentive to every word she had to utter.

She took a long enduring look at him and slowly opened the past to him, that was hidden under the rocks of her heart forever fossilized and never once upturned in the past 25 years or so. Will he believe me when I say thus?

“Balu, listen to me carefully and I know you won’t interrupt me in between but, trust me what I am going to say is bitter truth and never would have betrayed even once till today.” and looks into the eyes that are starting her.

“Kayal, I know…you don’t have to tell me all this. Just go on.”

It has been years and I don’t know where to start. Let me tell you (a long silence)…I was in love before you came into my life and I had a fleeting moment of despair before I got married to you.

I had been in college and I was fascinated by this senior of mine, who also reciprocated my feeling. Never, had I known that my parents would come in between my choice and let me despair in the agony that brought to my heart, when I could not go against them nor go against him and was surrounded by uncertainty and he waiting for me on those hill top.

Till that time in my life never have I gone through so much of agony, pain and helplessness, when I ran away from his sight that I always loved to see.

His assurance of waiting, his sound of disbelief, his test against time, his steadfastness that frightened me…I ran…as fast as I could…I ran into the arms of my mother and have cried in silence so many nights and my own did not believe me and support me.

He was unsure of what he was hearing, he kept hearing it. He did not expect there might something like this that could have gone wrong with her. Not that she isn’t a beauty; she is a good looking smart woman. But, her parents becoming a coz of her struggle did not make sense. How could they do this to the kid, they always had a soft corner for her and her dad had almost pleaded with him to put up with all her tantrums and give her the support that she requires?

In spite of this entire he had not even given this girl the consideration of her choice. Surprising, how he had expected me to do all that he could had done and made her happy from what she seems to be here in this relationship.  Being lost in his own thoughts he was losing the grip of the conversation she was making. Regaining himself he got ready once more to listen to her with intend to see what more shocks were left for him for that particular day.

I was fighting a war that I had lost even before starting. I had lost it even before I could place my arguments. I could not do anything about it. I was not supposed to even talk about the things I liked and all my likes turned to dislike. I had wished I had let go of the life that is there beating within me. I was so depressed and dejected in life.

Every night I used to hear his voice resounding with the words – “I will wait for you” I will wait for you ever and I will love till the end…” it kept beating into my brain, eating into my life, I could not do anything …I just wept, wept and wept.

Then, months rolled into years and you came along. At first, my parents were considerate, but when I showed reluctance to marriage they turned against me and forced me to endure more. I was forced to accept what they say and do and it looked as if I did not have any choice for life.

You came along with so much of promise to my parents that they did not want to let you go and they kept on forcing me to see you and give them accordance to the proposal they were putting up. My mind and my body was not prepared for a relationship. I know somebody is waiting for me, I can’t go there and I can’t be here too.

It was like hell…I did not know what to do. I could not bear the tortured that I was going through. Finally, one day I said, “What is done is done, let me go ahead with the tide of time and fate and see what is in store for me, anyway I don’t have anything more to do.”

I had lost all hope in life and then I agreed to meet you.

You remember when I came to meet you. I was so quiet and did not answer anything unless asked for. I liked you by appearance, but did not want know what I wanted, I was so confused and I just did what I was asked for.

I kept wondering from that day how come someone like me from one sight. I wasn’t that beautiful and attractive, I was so simple and when you said, “I like the way you are, you don’t have to change a thing for me, come into my life as you are.”

I was lost for words. Something inside me churned that day; maybe I was looking for someone to say that to me. Probably, if my mother had said that to me, I would not have been so rigid and would have given up my struggles and been happy with what she had to offer.

He just looked at her and gave her the same smile he gave her on that same day. He wondered now, why did he say that, he hasn’t found a clue to it. But, he said that to her, coz somewhere his heart prompted him to do so and now he was definite, he had said the right thing to her. Poor soul was so beaten he did not, though he had always kept wondering she has something hidden.

I kept weeping for long and gave my consent and then within a couple of months my marriage with you was arranged.

I am sorry; I should have told you all this back then. But, I was afraid I will be put through the same hell. I am not prepared for any kind of torture, I just wanted to be myself and do things that I always wanted to do.

Since, this senior of mine coincided with my life, the ambitions in life, the individuality that I longed for, the independence, the experience of a working lady, all the things I loved to do went for a toss and I remained a lifeless doll, listening to people and doing things they wanted to see.

I hated life and dragged myself to the life that I tied to you.

At first, I was afraid of you too. But, you were too good, that you turned a new leaf for me. You gave me all that I lost, you gave me the independence that I always longed for, the independence to do what I wanted, liked and this gave me a new leaf inside me. I started to bloom slowly and I became quite comfortable with you being around and there was life back into me.

He went into his thinking here; he was reminded of his initial days of marriage. The amount of understanding he had to with her. He had wanted her to be more open, make rightful and delightful conversations with him. She always kept to herself; she never spoke more than asked for, just the required amount of laughter and speech, nothing more or less. She did her duties as a wife without a question; she was so always ready with whatever he could ask for.

It took a long time for her to turn around and take control of things and she slowly started opening up and doing what she wanted and also asking for things she liked rather than accept what was given to her.

The various trips that they did to his in-laws place to keep her happy, thinking she was missing them. The number of trips that they did together outside also helped him to get to know where more without even her telling him what she likes and dislikes.  He was confused she looked more relaxed outside than at her home and he had enjoyed the importance she was giving him in her life.

Now, all that had a reason. Hmm…wondering so much she had to undergo, she could have told me about it. But what has happened is happened; you make a compromise with life and continue rather than fighting with it each day. I wish, I had known what she was going through, but I should appreciate she not for let me know that she was going through so much of emotional turmoil, thought he still listening to her.

I weaved my life around you and I started living with all that thrown to me with great taste and did my duties and carried on. I carried it on so well, that I no longer felt being a burden.  I got pregnant and gave birth to two kids, my life grew, I started working on my own, I did offer opportunities to the people in trouble, and I was all that I could imagine for.

(..to be continued)

Abode of Love – Part 4

People who are lost to what this story is and what’s the continuation here are the three links to the previous posts –

http://mota-blogs.com/2011/05/12/abode-of-love/

http://mota-blogs.com/2011/07/29/abode-of-love-part-2/

http://mota-blogs.com/2011/09/03/abode-of-love-part-3/

And so the Part 4 –

Having spoken to him after what seemed a really ages ago, yet so familiarly close. She returns to the drawing room, rests on the sofa, folding her legs like a 20 year old crisscrossed.

Lost in time and space, blanking at the white ceiling, she was moving in and out of her conscious life and the subconscious mind. She felt an unknown fear and desire to go ahead and meet the person, but what does she tell him?

Tell him what, or not tell him at all walk off as if nothing happened and go missing…!? What do I do?

Confusions in the mind kept over flowing and she dozed off at the sofa, dreaming and listening to the conversation….!

A hand touched her tenderly on the shoulder, it was wrinkled and grown hard from aging, and she held it unconsciously and was about the name that slipped her lips but did not sound aloud.

Astonished and awakened by the sudden touch she woke up to see her husband standing next to her with a surprised look on his face, she had not seen in ages.

“Is something worrying you?”  said he.

He always knows her mood and he has always approached her with utmost care and took care of her needs as if she was a kid irrespective of whatever her age was.   She did not know what to say and just stared at him as if she was deaf and there was nothing to explain.

He was attentive and stood there for her to open up and talk; from her posture he knew something was terribly wrong.

She has been like this for years now, whenever she wants something, she will always come forward and pour and whenever she is skeptical she goes into a nutshell.

He had understood her completely and given her all the freedom she wanted. She has also been away from him for a long period, never has he questioned her or let her do things he wanted. He was a patient with her and always thought about her welfare, though he never explicitly told her about his affections for her.

Now, too he left her to be with herself, he knows she will come to him…and just gestures her to get up from the sofa and leads her into the dining table, and serves her idlies and chutney.

She just looks at him and then the plate of food in front of her…she is so lost she does not know what time it is…outside it is dark and the time lapse is too much for her to grasp things around.

He just places her hand on her shoulder and taps her gently; he has a concerned look in his face. He gently moves his hand against her head as if to pet her. He wants to ask her what is the matter, but no he holds on to his tongue.

She looks up at his face that is concerned and wonders how am I going to tell him? Should I tell him or ditch him as usual? Oh! God, give me strength to carry on?

This man who is standing next to her has been her strength whenever she was low, helpless, in doubt, speechless, shameless, and lot of other reactions a human mind goes through….!  How do I dare tell him…I no more want to be in this house that has been her home and her shelter for the past 25 years? It had sheltered her from rain, sun, wind and sand. How to let go of the things that I am happy with here?  How to let go of that beautiful corner of the house from where she could sit and watch the rain, listening to her favorite songs on the player?

The endless cooking sessions in her kitchen that has seen her cry, laugh, smile and even curse a few people…it had seen her pain and her reverence to the people for whom she cooked. Her son and daughter, her grandson and granddaughter…her people how do I leave them all behind and move on for something, I promised years ago.

How do I move on? Won’t I be selfish?  Won’t I be thinking of my own pleasures and not be bothered about anybody else? Will that be a fine thing to do?

At this juncture, she is swept out of her reverie by a loud noise….She finds the kids running around in great joy teasing one another. Her plate is still the same loaded with food and she has not taken a bite.

She looks around to find her husband standing next to her with a look of worry and there is so much of questioning on his face. She gives him a weak smile and takes a bit of the food and shoves it into her mouth.

He places his palm on her forehead and she says stumbles to say, “I am ok…”

He moves silently away from her as she is all fine and does not require any help. He goes into the bedroom with an ease that seems a great trouble. Restless he is walking up and down the entire length of the house. He is not sure what it is but he has a strong feeling whatever it is not going to be good. His intuitions warn him of something to befall him. He is getting impatient with every minute of silence and wants to break it open.

She finishes her dinner with great struggle and comes into the bedroom, slowly and steadily. She has to make a decision and that too soon.

She wished she could just go for a week and be back. But how is that possible. It can’t be and no man on earth would agree to such an agreement.

She sheepishly smiles at the husband who is restlessly walking up and down. She knew why he was restless, and even knows what would be running in his mind. She just looks at him and takes a deep breath and it seems like it was the first time they looked at each other the world seemed to stop and the land beneath her legs were being torn away into pieces. She wished why did not the land part and be engulfed in it. It would be a wonderful end to the things that are to follow. But nothing like this happens and she has to make a decision.

She says,“ I am fine. Relax, will tell you what is running in my mind once I get hold of it myself.”

Hearing it he relaxes a bit and admitting himself he moves closer to the bed and tries to sit next to her. He slowly regains his composure and lowers his stature on to the cot. He puts hands around her shoulder and says, “I am with you in any decision you make. Don’t worry, just go ahead and tell me what it is…”moving his index finger towards his lips he continues, “Only when you want to…” and flashes a beautiful smile for her.

She hesitates for a minute and rests on his shoulder and comes to a blissful moment of self assurance and deepened satisfaction…that at that instant she makes up her mind and extends her arms and gives him a tight hug, that makes him lose his balance and they tumble together on to the bed.

Laughing aloud, she gets up from his hold and looks at him straight and tells him, “I want to talk to you now. If you are ok, I will go ahead otherwise I will wait till tomorrow, morning.”

He sheepishly looks at her, “Go on, dear. Tell me…let me also know what is bothering you for so long?” Inside his mind he is preparing himself for the unseen and unheard talks, for somewhere his mind is warning him of the things that he is not going to like for one bit. He is prepared to know what it is and then decide the outcome of it. Till then he has to keep his calmness.

“God, give me the strength to carry on a listen to whatever she is going to say, I don’t know why my mind is not calm and I can’t wish away this unknown fear.”

(…to be concluded)

Kayalvizhi (A damsel with eyes that represent a fish)!!!

“I am on my way to meet you, the train is heading towards your city” – said the SMS that beeped on her Android mobile….!

Sleepily, she woke up from her slumber looked at the watch on her bedside table, it read 11.30 pm. She turned to the lit mobile next to it and clutched it with her right hand, wondering who it is at this hour of the night.  Sliding the screen, the message popped-up and reading it once she almost closed her eyes, then suddenly the last part of the SMS woke her up again.

” …Impatiently waiting to see you, my Love.”

That brought a smile to her face and the man of her dreams appeared before her, that well-built body, that killing smile, that half-raised eyebrows, that scent of his colognes and after shaves, that mischievous look, that never ending questioning, that relenting hands, that firm walk, that I am least bothered about the people around attitude…but still the fear of being caught….all that made her shiver even in that winter-less summers…!

She shuddered and put the phone down, with a hesitation to reply to that message and overcoming the fact to reply…curls up in that blanket and drifts away into a far away land of dreams and dreams.

It is 6 am; still there is time for that stupid alarm of hers to wake her up. But then the dreams have another meaning to her day break today.

She wakes up to some loud noises around, heavy chattering and laughter. She gets up in a fit to close her bedroom door and get back to her sleep. She hazily with semi-closed eyes walks up to her bedroom door.

At the door is a figure standing with a hand resting on the door sill. She rubs her eyes and tries to open it wide but the light from the other side blinds her and it is tough for her to make out the silhouette.

Hardly a few yards but yet it is so far away and that figure is seemingly teasing her with a smile…she walks briskly to push it away and close the door…!She is almost there and then the figure holds her shoulders and moving up a palm towards her chin putting a finger to support the dropping chin, sounds huskily to her, “Hey, you don’t want to look at me…I traveled about 700 odd kilometers for you…”

She fully regaining conscious, looks into that those teasing eyes, the same mannerisms, the same things that disturbed her in the night comes back and the silhouette stand tall and endangering to her femininity…!

She tries to shun him and run away, when a whole load of cousins and his friends surround her from all sides…she shyly doges them and looks at him with pleading eyes to let her go…she tells him with her eyes, this is not the way I want you to see me…!

She is in her night clothes, a pink tops and a blue 3/4ths, her hair shabby from the twisting and turning in the bed, the eyes droopy, the lips dry, the face laden with the power of a good dream…though all this had not shattered or seemed to have touched her beauty…she still looked like a exquisite beauty to watch on…!

Knowing her uncomfortableness, he slowly gives way between him and his friend next to him, and gestures her to pass through it quickly. Understanding him in perfect harmony, she passes their clutches and runs away in to the kitchen where her mom is already making heavenly smelling coffee and dishes for the morning…!

Before she goes in to her hide out, she makes sure she gives him that everlasting smile and look that took his heart away the very instant he saw her on the day of her engagement…!

He had no idea of love and no idea of running behind girls, he was so quietly observed with his work and his medical science kept him occupied. He wanted some remedy for painless surgeries and making some surgeries with the patient conscious. There were methods available but was looking at other options of it and this he thought will help the people on the battlefield.

He was a military doctor helping people with various wounds and amputations and worst scenarios, his mind did not read those subtleties of heart and never had he found time for all that. Though he was interested in poetry and all the romantic things that life can offer, he never did want to do something like that in his life, until that one day.

He was summoned to home all of sudden and before he could deny, he was packed off to the girls house and with just one group photo of the girl he had only a glimpse of what she looked like.

He did not know what to do but reclining with the flow of events he went there to come to conclusions later or just walk away from it denying some reason or other.

He got bored with all these stupid talks, he was not ready to look at the happening…he said, he will take a walk and be back. The family let him be. He walked into the so called backyards of the house and wandered in the wilderness, it opened in to some coconut yards and mango yards.

He kept taking in the scenic beauty of the house and surrounding, breathing in the fresh air and came by to a stream following silently. He just looked around for a place and settled to sit there, when he heard a loud noise from the other side near the bushes…!!

There was a girl in her late twenties and an old lady arguing over something. The girl did not look innocent, looked educated and well behaved but still stubborn in her arguments.

Getting curious he walks closer to bush and gets a good picture of the girl. She is dusky, with beautiful eyes, long lustrous black shiny hair, beautifully craved lips, shapely nose, nice neck; straight and slender structure draped in beautiful simple cotton sari lined with a simple jari border in contrast color of pink and mauve.

She looked like a goddess in disguise. She was denying loudly to the old lady and the old lady was convincing her.

In her fit of anger, she gives a look at the lady and it looked as if there was fire in her and she would have reduced the old lady to ashes…in that fit of anger her hair flung open which was loosely held together in a knot.

It spewed all over her face and in a urgency to tie them again a strand of hair let loose on her face slung with grace across her eyebrows and lightly brushed the lips…at that instant she looked more heavenly than anything on earth and that very instant something changed in his mind.

He just got up to find his camera missing and forgotten to get it…he captured that image in his mind with a thousand watt flash light that never hit him that hard and he let out a sigh so loud that it caught the sight of the damsel and she ran into a quarters like thing and was lost from his sight.

Dejected, waiting there for some time, he turns to go back the way he came. The image ringing in his mind from the echoes of his heart, not able to capture it, not able have a copy of it, nothing he can claim, he walks and drags his soul to the house back through the coconut and mango groves.

His family eagerly waiting for him, seeing announce the family to present the would-be bride…!!!

Somebody from the other corner of the house called for, “Kayal…Kayal…”!!

(More to Roll)